Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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