she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
