The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
