Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
