What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
