She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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