It's Friday. Sex?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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