Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
