you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
