I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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