Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
