When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
