I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
do herpes really smell.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
