Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize