Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
