This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
