My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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