he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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