Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
