we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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