They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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