but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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