our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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