If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
