counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
