So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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