my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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