I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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