so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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