She's JV to your varsity
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
