i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
