Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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