I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
