Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
