She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize