Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
