I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
