she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i now understand why vodka
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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