the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
