I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In America we eat man semen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
