Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my shit smells like andre
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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