Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
