This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize