Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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