Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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