I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
