I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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