They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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