dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
