i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think people are normalizing furries
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
