just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
