Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
