Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
