I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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