I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
