Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
