I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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