I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
