I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
