Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
