Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
