haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
