so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
