So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
