I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
