he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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