For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
