belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
