he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I came so hard my ears popped.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
