I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
