My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
