if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
