I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How naked do you want me to be?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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