sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize