the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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