yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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