someone threw a dead crab at me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
