Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
