i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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