I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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