when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize