they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Alive.
So much puke
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
