fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
