If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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