I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize