Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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