You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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