yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
