see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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