I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want to fling myself into the sun
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
