I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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