I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
